Cookie Snookie, 33
Updated: Aug 1, 2018
7-31-18 "Tea and Dickaliciousness Dreams 🍵 🍆💤"Monday was a rollercoaster ride. The day started with me trying in vain to amp up my work week by wearing a new blue dress that I’d purchased. Hunk texted me again that morning, which reminded me that I hadn’t replied to his request to see a movie. Ughh, I didn’t feel like entertaining him. Summertime as a University professor was a drag.
Afternoon took forever to arrive, and as I sat feeling chained to my desk, I decided on what to do when I got off work. I felt like being lazy, but I needed to get a work out in. I decided to workout, catch some dinner out, and drink some wine. I was in the middle of writing an article on my work computer for publication as an aspiring tenure track professor when I got the call from my campus mail courier. I took my lunch break; and walked over to the courier to see what was apparently too big to fit into my departmental mailbox. I hadn’t ordered anything from Amazon or any other online shopping sites recently; so I had no idea what the package could be aside from a publisher sending me a book to review. When I entered the campus courier’s office, I saw them. A huge bouquet 💐of peach orchids sitting on the counter. “For you,” said the courier recognizing me from all the Amazon shit I had delivered to the campus post office. I stared at the vase of flowers in awe. “Someone must really like you,” said the courier guy with a smile. Embarrassed at having my personal life visually put on display for all to see, I blushed as I breezily said, “I guess so.” I signed off on having received the bold floral and supremely romantic gesture and made the trek back to my office. Several people stared as I walked back carrying the huge vase of exotic flowers. It felt like everyone knew there was someone new that I was fucking, and why not? Women only received flowers from new people they were seeing, for anniversary celebrations, birthdays, valentines or when someone was kissing ass to make up for how they’d wronged them. When I got back to my desk, I closed my office door and snapped a picture 📱with my phone. I texted the flower pic to Trina as I worked to get over my shock at receiving the beautiful flowers. Trina instantly replied back, “who sent that?” Shit! I hadn’t even checked. Probably because deep down, I already knew. As I read the card, it said, “I told you you’d have a beautiful Monday. –WC.” My cell rang and I answered. An ecstatic Trina said, “Bitch! Don’t leave me in suspense!” I laughed as I slipped my heels off and propped my feet up on my desk. Walking across campus in heels always sucked ass no matter how short the distance. But it was especially callous when it was a flaming 🔥 100 degrees with an 80% humidity index. Thanking the lord that I had my own private office to hide the ostentatious gift. I turned on my personal fan 🌬 and calmly replied, “they’re from White Chocolate.” I kept my demeanor cool even though I felt like getting onto my desk and tap dancing. “Damn, someone’s hot for teacher! You must have put it on him yesterday! He adores you!” “I guess so,” I said again for the second time that day. “You guess?!?! Girl are you blind? That bouquet of orchids is well over $100. 🤑Trust me, I know! Dudes don’t spend that kind of money unless the booty was good, and definitely not on an object that will be dead in a few days’ time.” I stared at the huge flowers 💐, a physical object of beauty that was clear evidence of White Chocolate’s affection for me. How ironic that just yesterday I’d complained to Charmer about his romantic shortcomings, and today White Chocolate illustrated exactly that. Even though the gesture was more bold and ostentatious than expected, I’d take it. From what I knew of White Chocolate thus far, he didn’t fuck around. It was invigorating. Yet again, White Chocolate had managed to blow my mind. I couldn’t help but be elated by the flowers. I had a vagina after all. However, the bold AF gesture also scared me a little because it left me with so many questions… I wondered whether I truly deserved the flowers or not? Or whether said flowers were some kind of “thank you for letting me fuck you” gift? Ironic that this was exactly what I’d been wanting and praying for from a man, and now that it was literally in front of me, I was scared to wake up and enjoy the smell of the roses; I mean orchids. Perhaps it was just that I was afraid this was all a dream, and that soon I’d wake up to find the rug ripped right out from under me. Crazy how in just two to three months of back and forth, a White guy had done more for me emotionally than Charmer or any other black dude had done in an entire year. Was it too good to be true? Trina butted into my thoughts saying, “Face it Cookie ! He’s wooing you girl. Yet again, you’ve convinced me that I truly need a white boy in my life, believe me! I’ve already been hard at work on project white boy this morning.” Knowing Trina, she was probably doing exactly that. “It just seems too good to be true,” I said. “In my experience, when shits too good to be true, that’s because… it is.” I added with a calm I didn’t feel. “You fucked him, he liked it! It’s as simple as that! Pussy ain’t free girl! And you can’t put a price on such a priceless commodity… especially when you have mojo as strong as you and I’s!” I chuckled as I continued staring at the floral arrangement. “Come on! Where ya at girl? You know if it were anyone else, you would be heartlessly saying that ninja better recognize! You must really like him… why else would you be having all this angst and second guessing yourself and shit?” Because I’m catching feelings, and I’m afraid to, I thought. “You know I’m always wary of dudes,” I said evasively. “You’ve grown soft Snook. Please for the love of god! Let your inner bitch back out to play!” I laughed and said, “We’re black girls Trina, our inner bitch is never completely caged.” “You right,” said Trina. “Look girl, my crazy boss is calling me, so I have to go. Just know that White Chocolate is totally smitten with you, and clearly you are too. Don’t fight this, he’s definitely a keeper.” “Got it!” I said, I just have to get over my own stupid issues. “Let’s do spin class tonight and talk this shit out over dinner.” “Alright,” I agreed before she quickly got off the phone. I marveled at the flowers once more and read the note again just for kicks. For the next hour, I tried and failed to focus. It was two thirty in the afternoon, and I planned to leave by 4:00 p.m. I hadn’t gotten a response from the picture I’d sent of his flowers on my desk with a heart eyes emoticon😍, but he’d already said he’d be busy today, so I didn’t dwell on it. I got on my phone and surfed Instagram for a while. After I got tired of looking at all the bitches with cooler lives, bodies, followings, and clothes than me, I got on Group Me to connect with a few of my family and sorority members. After that, I decided I needed something to occupy my time between now and Tuesday. I decided having male company would do me just fine. After all, I clearly needed a distraction to occupy my time in the interim and keep me from being so into White Chocolate. Self-protection was key here, I told myself. I checked my online dating sites, and as I scrolled through one particularly sleazy one, I nearly choked on my water 💧when I saw a message from that cute guy from last Friday night.It read: “hey, I saw you at the club on Friday night, and thought it would be cool to hang out sometime. I know it’s weird for me to track you down like this, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to be disrespectful to the guy you were with by getting your number.” Shit! I thought as my finger hovered over the reply button. I was more than a little flattered right now. Maybe this Monday wouldn’t be so dull after all. I began my reply asking him to meet up whenever he was free, but I couldn’t deny that niggling tinge of guilt. I delved deeper into it to discover that the source of my guilt was that I felt like I was cheating on White Chocolate. Cupid’s arrow…,💘 quipped my subconscious. Fucketty Fuck Fuck!!! I thought as I quickly reminded myself that I wasn’t in any kind of official relationship with him. I shoved the feeling aside as I pressed send on the message. My computer pinged, and I glanced at it. My dean had just e-mailed me. So I finally got my ass in gear and got back into work mode. I ended up staying at work later than expected, and was almost late to spin class. I forced myself to bust my ass during the workout because I’d been slacking. I had to stay fine after all, but even Trina the workout queen had to raise a brow at my enthusiasm during cardio. After our hip hop spin class, Trina and I hit the weights. Then, as we got a light dinner at a health food joint in mid-town Houston, he texted me back. “I’m glad you like them😌.” I swallowed hard, forcing my heart down from my throat. “How was work?” I asked genuinely interested. “I can totally tell your texting him,” said Trina cutting in as she ate a spoonful of chicken salad. I looked up from my phone and laughed. 😂“That obvious huh?” 😅I asked setting my phone aside. “Yea it is.” “My bad,” I said. Then changed the subject by asking, “how are things with Byron?” Trina said, “He’s as Nigerian as ever,” she said casually. “He wanted me to come over and cook for his ass tonight.” She smiled wide and said, “I told him hell to the naw! Us independent American chicks don’t coddle ninjas like that. Shit just doesn’t roll that way.” She smirked and I smirked back as she continued, “I’m super mean to him, but I kind of like disappointing him with my feminist supremacy and gender-neutral views. The only thing is, he doesn’t seem too surprised by that, at least not enough to stop talking to me. I think he likes it. His friends who are less FOB (fresh off the boat) must have forewarned him about American black women beforehand.” Her face fell a little. But that was the thing about Houston, it was the damned U.S. version of the Nigerian capital. We both knew that. Trina was a catch though, any dude would put up with her crazy antics. She was gorgeously modelesque! She had a cute face and a killer AF bod, and she knew it. Currently, she sported an edgy short pixie cut and had pretty almond shaped brown eyes framed by long lashes. Her fashion taste and hairstyles were ever-changing. She made me feel like a short country dumpling in comparison. I took a sip of her beer to taste it, and she frowned in feigned annoyance, but said nothing as her yummy full lips asked, “so, did you check that new Beyoncé and Jay-Z album?”🎶 I laughed and said, “I thought you’d never ask! I checked it out on Tidal last night.“ Trina and I were obsessed with everything Beyoncé. Fitting, since we lived in Beyoncé’s home town. “I loved the album! But Bey’s completely spoiled me. I’m used to visual audio albums and having at least twelve tracks per album. After I listened to this one, I only wanted more,” Trina blinked as if in shock. “Damn girl! You didn’t have a free moment up until last night? You never told me, but what time did you get home after being with White Chocolate?” “Yesterday afternoon,” I said coolly. “Damned Snook!” he had you tied up like that? Y’all were practically playing house!” I rolled my eyes at her exaggeration. “No we weren’t…,” I said defensively. Yes you were, supplied my subconscious.We finished up our meal and went our separate ways. Once in the car, I impatiently checked my phone. White Chocolate texted, “my day was hella busy. I’m home now though and trying to make some dinner before I finish up some more work, shower, and call it a night.” I replied, “Really? I would have never guessed you were so busy today since you had time to send me such beautiful flowers,” I said. “What can I say, when I see something I like, I waste no time going after it…., 😉.” “I’m flattered,” I said. “You should be,” he said. His arrogance knew no bounds. “You probably do shit like this with all the girls you’ve been with though…,” I said to take his arrogance down a peg. “Actually, no other girls have made the cut,” he replied. I hesitated in my response; not knowing what to say. I gave him an emoticon shrug; then asked, “really?” “Really.” he replied. “Well that’s refreshing,” I said not completely believing him. “I’m glad,” he said. My light turned green 🚥. (Yes, I sometimes text and drive while in Houston traffic. I don’t condone it, but old habits die hard). When I got home five minutes later, I decided to continue the conversation. I asked, “whatcha having for dinner?” My inner Southern fat girl was always curious about other people’s meals. “Something one of those blue apron type websites delivered.” “I see!” I said. “Hope it turns out delish! can you cook? I mean, without blue apron.” “Of course,” he said. “I just like blue apron for during the week. I hate grocery shopping.” Damn, what couldn’t the guy do? “Do you cook?” he asked me. “Yes,” I said. “My dad is a Southerner; he made damned sure I knew my way around the kitchen. He cooked breakfast for me every morning.” “Good man,” he said, and I replied, “The bestest!” We talked it up for a good hour back and forth via text. We sent each other pictures, laughed, flirted, snap chatted, and teased. Then, we made plans for an easy date on Wednesday. As I ended the convo, I saw that both Charmer and Hunk had sent me messages. I was less than thrilled about it, but I couldn’t escape my curiosity. I checked Charmer’s first. “You still mad?” I made sure the message was labeled “read,” then I pointedly ignored it. Message signed, sealed, and delivered Charmer! I needed to block his number I thought as I opened Hunk’s message next. In reality, Hunk was beginning to bore me, but I’d stick by my original decision to keep giving him a fair shot. I replied to him, knowing I couldn’t keep ignoring him if I wanted to continue having him in my call list. After all, he’d essentially become filler for White Chocolate. I told Hunk we could hang out Thursday night to see the movie. That way my Friday would be left open for the highest bidder; who would hopefully be White Chocolate. Damn, I was totally sprung on him! 😫. Cutie had replied back on the sleezy online dating site saying he’d like to meet up this weekend. I was afraid to commit. What if White Chocolate wanted to hang out? I compromised, deciding I’d hang out with Cutie during the day on Saturday. That way, my evening would still be free for White Chocolate and his “dickaliciousness” (said in Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones’ voice). Plans made, I took a shower and settled down to watch some t.v. and pay some astronomical utility bills. Summer ☀ was a real bitch in Houston. Utility bills were always out the ass. After my bills were paid; my bank account sufficiently depleted, and my nightly snack of watermelon slices 🍉consumed (while fantasizing about White Chocolate’s watermelon); I went on twitter to see what people had to say about this latest episode of my show during commercial. There were a few notable comments, but nothing too intriguing. When the show ended, I turned on my weeknight political indulgence of Trevor Noah and Steven Colbert. In my boredom during commercial, I decided to get on Facebook for a change. For the record, I hardly EVER got on Facebook anymore. I kept my account going purely for sentimental reason and keeping up with my family. I’d had the account since college, and couldn’t let it go. I came across a funny meme: It showed Arthur the cartoon character from my childhood holding a bottle of Henny as he skipping somewhere. The meme read: Me: I’m coming over You like light or dark liquor? Her: Light! That dark do something to me I be ready to either fuck or fight. How apt, I thought with an inward chuckle to myself as I glanced at Arthur holding the bottle of dark liquor once more. My mind drifted, and I found myself wondering why everything had to either be dark or light in America? The intro to Kendrick Lamar’s XXX song came to mind and I was distracted from my musings when a reminder popped up on my cell. It told me I had a gyno appointment tomorrow at the crack of dawn. 🌅. The 7:00 a.m. appointment time had been the only time the good doctor could fit me in on Tuesday, and I definitely had to make the appointment if I wanted to be free to mess around on Wednesday night. HOE!!! My subconscious supplied. I guessed I was being hoeish, but I couldn’t bring myself to care because I definitely wanted another bout with White Chocolate. So I couldn’t be worrying about any test results in the middle of it.😩 I sighed, the shit people did for sex!!! 😩 I quickly set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. with an inward groan. I hoped that would give me enough time to make it to my appointment by 7:00 a.m. Hopefully traffic would be light at that hour, and the appointment would go by swiftly. If I was lucky, maybe I could pick up breakfast 🍳 before heading to work after. ☺ I returned to Facebook as Trevor Noah returned to introduce his first guest. I scrolled past the meme, and that’s when I saw IT! An engagement picture. At first, I inwardly rolled my eyes🙄. This was part of the reason I had stopped getting on Facebook. When you were single, it was so annoying to constantly see those who’d found love 😍pop up every holiday, spring, and summer after you hit the age of twenty-five. There was nothing like seeing other happy couples to remind you of your singleness. I stared at the elated chick flashing her ring in the picture. I didn’t know her, but I definitely wanted to be her. Someday, my subconscious supplied. She must have been a friend of a friend or something. I had dismissed the picture, and was about to scroll past it when I got a good look at the dude. Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was Hunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............... That lying ass ninja! Immediately, I scoured through ALL the pictures of them together, and of course, the estrogen in me obsessed even more over the ring 💍size now that I shared an association to the couple. I decided the ring 💍was ugly, and classless. Damn Hunk!!! I had made it a habit to always thoroughly screen ninjas on social media before agreeing to a date, but I had never seen a chick on this ninja’s Facebook before. Like WTF! That son of a bitch!!! had only the one photo of him proposing visible. He’d proposed on Sunday in front of TSU in third ward Houston, which was apparently their Alma mater as well as mine. Ninjas ain’t shit! I though as I considered how he was sitting up here making plans with me knowing full well he had a woman in his life! I checked the chick’s page out since we were somehow Facebook friends. She at least had some pictures of Hunk’s sorry ass on her Facebook. The bastard didn’t deserve her, I decided. I was able to deduce from her profile that she lived in Austin, Texas, so they were in a semi-distance relationship. I knew from experiences with my ex that men sucked at distance relationships no matter how short. Men just couldn’t do solitary. That’s why I never did distance relationships anymore.When I saw Hunk Thursday, I would make sure to bite him hard on those non-kissing lips 👄 of his for this shit! I was a scheming bitch 😈, so I decided not to cancel my date with him on Thursday. It would be poetic justice for me to throw his engagement up in his face like “Gotcha Bitch!” I asked Hunk to go to “the spot” on Thursday instead of a movie. The spot was always packed with black folks on Thursday nights, and I wanted to hear Hunk’s response to people seeing 👀us out together after he’d just proposed. I thought he would say no to the change in location, but he didn’t. It seemed the little shit had no shame! I couldn’t wait to throttle the rat bastard for this! I took a screenshot of the engagement picture on his profile and saved it to my phone 📱. I got you, you little fuck!!! It’s on like donkey kong!!!! No way he’d make me look like a home-wrecker and get away with it! Especially when I took every precaution not to be exactly that. I knew Trina was sleep because she was a super early riser. But, I still texted her before I turned off my t.v. and went to bed. In bed I stared up at my dark ceiling seething; not because I gave a damned about Hunk, but because I hated dumb ass immature ninjas like him! In my mind, once you proposed, it was time to stop being a selfish pig 🐷, and keep things solo dolo with your fucking pants on 👖! Even with his non-existent kissing abilities, something had told me Hunk was too good to be true. I should have listened to my intuition about him! More anger consumed me 😡 when I considered that Hunk might have kept shit going once he was married, and then I would have unknowingly become an adulterer. I had enough sins notched on my belt, and didn’t need adultery added to the list, thank you very much! I briefly considered calling my “Don Juan,” La’Ron, my gay guy friend who lived for scandalous dramatic shit like this, but it was too late. I’d have to call him tomorrow to make sure my plan was A1 before Thursday night. My phone pinged again, and I saw a notification from Washington Post scroll across my screen. Apparently Supreme Court justice Kennedy was resigning!!! WTF was the world coming to? The man voted for affirmative action, abortion, and gay marriage!!! He was a stand-up guy!!! I was a political science professor, so I could never simply ignore politics like most people living in America 🗽did. It was my meal ticket. But right now, I REALLY didn’t want to know… More than ever, I wished for some control over all the shit in my life. When it came to Charmer, Hunk, and even White Chocolate; it seemed I’d lost my way and lacked direction where they were concerned. Even my utility bills were out of control. In the midst of a hot ☀🔥 Texas summer, it seemed a mental storm ⛈was brewing. What if it was so bad I couldn’t weather it? The thoughts made me restless. I turned over onto my stomach to try and force sleep to come, but it evaded me. This is the reason all the articles tell people not to play on their phones right before bed... Even as I acknowledged this, I reached for my phone and vibrator (the most prevalent objects of my sex life). Tragic! I thought as I cranked my vibrator up to high and went to my old faithful porn haunts by phone. Hopefully this would wind me down enough to give me the “self-control” I apparently needed to fucking fall asleep. Nope! Epic fail! It seemed nothing compared to the dickaliciousness that was White Chocolate’s love making! Now that it was 1:30 a.m., and I’d literally just fucked myself, 😩 the only shame I could muster was the fact I had to get my ass up in five hours or miss my gyno appointment! I couldn’t miss! If I rescheduled, that meant I would have to forego sex because my gyno required no sex for 24 hours prior to an appointment and didn’t do Fridays. The fuck if I’d be stuck missing out on Wednesday!Next I tried reaching for my headphones and tuning into calming tunes. Damn! At this rate I’d do whatever was necessary- apart from popping pills to fall asleep (I was a hippie that way). With that thought, I hopped out of bed and went to get my sleeping mask. Next, I went to my kitchen cupboard to grab a mug and some Yogi sleepy time tea 🍵. I didn’t know what they put in the shit, but the tea was apparently all natural and potent AF. It always put me straight to sleep. I was pissed I hadn’t thought of making it earlier. Shame, Shame Snook! You should have known that it takes tea🍵 to put up with tea 🍵!!! I thought darkly as I heated up the water in my little kettle. The familiar soothing scent of lavender 💜hit my senses as soon as I unwrapped the tea bag from its coverings. I poured the honey 🍯in, and thirty minutes later, sleep was knocking on my door 🚪right along with reflective thoughts of how White Chocolate’s gift was like a medicinal feelgood balm to my wounded ego; much like the tea in my belly. Strange how the welcoming and uplifting orchid surprise 💐 🎉was a lot like 🍵the man 👨🏻himself. Somehow, White Chocolate had made himself a welcome and a soothing surprise in my life just by inserting himself into it. His mere presence in it was uplifting and I drew comfort from it. Those thoughts eased my angst, and my last thoughts as I relaxed into sleep 💤were that it was a good thing that I loved surprises despite having no control over them. Surprise! Surprise! I thought as thoughts of White Chocolate calmed the brewing storm and I drifted off to sleep 🍵💐👨🏻….