Cookie Snookie, 33

8-23-18 “Move girl, light that ass 🍑on fire🔥!” (Part I)

Get your ass in gear! I told myself as I did five more squats. I was tired from last night’s crazy late-night musings, and my early gyno appointment, but I refused to let myself make excuses for skipping the gym tonight. It was legs, ass, and abs day today, and as a result, my ass now felt like it was on fire! 🔥 I forced myself to ignore the gloriously painful sensation of my overworked muscles as I pushed myself to the limit in the women’s weight room. My ass WOULD look like Beyonce’s if it was the last thing I did. A picture of Beyonce’s spectacular “phatty” in the “drunk in love” video came to mind, and I pushed myself harder. It was all about work when I came to the gym. I didn’t come because I was thirsty for male attention like some of the other girls who came and pranced around scantily in nothing more than bras and glorified underwear. In fact, I hated when men interrupted my workouts to try and holla at the gym. That was why I just breezed in, went straight to the women’s gym and locker room in the back, and got to work in the women’s private (no men allowed) gym. I’d already scoped out the place with my radar vision when I’d first walked into the joint anyways, and none of the men in here were attractive. Thus, I’d donned my shorts, sports bra, and oversized shirt to begin the arduous process of making myself sweat to keep my body tight. Note to all the men out there; most sensible non-superficial women don’t like being sweaty and breathless while you try to get us to give up our digits.

You’re a machine! No breaks! Rest when your dead! I told myself as I pushed myself further even as exhaustion set in when I moved onto abs. Crazy how every decade of life seemed to bring new physical challenges. Shit was so much harder at the age of thirty. Say la vie. Aging was a bitch, but at least now I had someone with real potential in my call list to look sexy for. Damn, I couldn’t wait to see his fine ass tomorrow night! I reminded myself not to act like a love-struck 😍fool when I saw him, even though that’s exactly what I was right now. I considered my plan to pack a bag 🎒 “just in case” he asked me to stay the night tomorrow. I decided the excuse I’d make to him would be that I always had a spare pair of work clothes in my car so he wouldn’t think I was being fast. My subconscious laughed 😂dryly at me saying, “who you think you’re fooling bitch, he fucked you senseless on your bathroom vanity with you eagerly agreeing to his every demand. You can’t fool me! He slapped that ass good enough to make anyone a believer in you being a fast ass hoe. You broke all your carefully laid rules and morals by letting him hit it without a condom. Face it Snook! You a hoe. You allowed him to come inside your house and then cum inside YOU without a single fuss!” I cringed in response to her words. The truth was always such a bitter pill to swallow. It sure the hell is! Agreed my subconscious… “And believe me! Your new boo already knows the truth too. He’s too shrewd a guy not to. He won’t believe that lame ass lie you tell him about your clothes. No one is that fucking dense!” She finished with triumphant cackle 😆 🙃; making her sound like the Wicked Witch of the West. What a scary ass bitch. I thought to myself. Still, the she always had valid points; ones that left me wondering why I was so damned insistent on all these pretenses with White Chocolate. I mean, I was doing the-most just to downplay shit to him. White Chocolate had unraveled every inch of my carefully laid composure last time we hung out, and I knew he would do it again. Damned, his sexy ass had made me so unbelievably unhinged. No other dudes made me overanalyze and behave like I did with White Chocolate. 😖 Cupid’s arrow, 💘 was such a powerful thing. So was good dick, but I had long since moved past thinking of White Chocolate in just the physical sense. I wanted all of him despite the fact that I was totally anxious to be cuming all over his fantabulously good dick tomorrow night. Absence had definitely made my heart grow fonder. I was gone for him. 💞💖 A true love-sick puppy 🐶in the flesh. I pictured his face and that damned panty dropping dimpled smile of his and couldn’t fight the ridiculous smile that threatened to spread over my own face. 😌 Could you be any more attracted to the man? I chide myself.

I mean, I’d liked Charmer, and I’d thought I’d loved my ex, but it hadn’t been anything like this. This was something more, something different because it was much, much deeper. So much so that I was reduced to cowering behind excuses for why I did things like pack spare clothes instead of just being shamelessly unapologetic about shit like I usually was. Was it more fear of feelings? Or was I just trying to make him chase it? I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to dig too deep to find out. Instead my mind flashed on the night I’d broken up with my ex. The pain I’d felt after his betrayal; the tears, and then my prayers 🙏🏾to God for a better, fuller, and real love to turn my life around and bring me peace ✌🏾, love 💗, and happiness 😊. Was this it? Was god answering my prayers? 🛐 Already I felt something deeper for White Chocolate than I’d ever felt for anyone before. It truly was some kind of love at first sight shit. Until now, I’d thought the love at first sight shit was a myth. Even so, it was all frightening as hell because having such strong feelings when you’d just met a person in 2018 was scary AF. Even so, there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it. The feelings were there, I couldn’t just make them go away or transfer them onto another person. Only he made me feel this way, and I was helpless to do anything to change that. All I could do was ride it out and hope for the best. Feelings were strange as hell!!! Like why couldn’t I be indifferent???

As I moved onto bicycle crunches, I considered the other two bitch ass assholes I had to deal with. I’d talked to La’ Ron and we’d come up with a spectacularly devious plan. I couldn’t wait to execute it. Hunk would be forever scarred!!! Still, I had to admit that I was a little jealous of Hunk’s fiancé. Not because I wanted her man or anything like that. Far from it! I was just jealous because she had something I desperately wanted. A promise of a lasting relationship 💍and a family in my immediate future. I pushed onto my knees and went into plank position. As I held the pose, I forced the jealousy aside and focused on my plan to undermine, expose, and make Hunk feel like a bitchface douchebag. I felt zero guilt for what I planned to do to Hunk; only grim determination…, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” 🔥 I quoted to myself. Hunk would definitely feel the heat 🔥of my wrath after this. “… And think you’re crazy AF.” My subconscious supplied. “Fucking right!” I said to my subconscious in a rare moment of agreement. Then, I quoted Beyoncé from lemonade “what’s worse looking jealous or crazy????” “I’d rather be fucking crazy!” Men already thought women were fucking crazy anyways; so I might as well beat them to the punch and be the raging bitch 👹 they thought all black women were; instead of pretending otherwise. Funny that I didn’t have that same shameless approach when it came to packing spare clothes for my date with White Chocolate …. More evidence shit was different when it came to him since I was crazy for him… STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM SNOOK!!! I told myself as I forced my thoughts away from him yet again. As my mind wondered, I was surprised to discover how easily it was for me to dismiss Charmer‘s bitch ass and 🤔 instead consider Cutie from the club and how I’d be meeting him for a casual coffee ☕ date on Saturday during the day. Bore!!! I wasn’t excited about it 😐 even though we’d been flirtatiously texting back and forth all day 💌. It was strange and so unlike me. I usually got up for new dates because I liked new possibilities and meeting new people, but now it kind of felt like a chore. The same way putting attractive bait on a fishing line 🎣 was. I dismissed the feeling thinking that maybe Cutie just didn’t appeal to me. I stared 👀down at the timer ⏱on my phone as my abs started to burn; and decided to try adding a new male prospect to my call list. Trina had mentioned going out salsa dancing 💃🏾on Friday night with all the girlies in our crew. I decided margaritas, mojitos, 🍹and men who actually danced with women instead of just standing around like they did in tha club would be just the thing. Maybe I could meet a Latin lover. Fantasies of a young Antonio Banderas rolling his R’s as he whispered sweet nothings in Spanish to me scrolled across my mind as I sat up from my two-minute plank. It looked like I’d be accepting Trina’s invitation. In the same breath though, I felt the tiniest spark of reluctance. Part of me wanted to sit at home, read a book, and wait for White Chocolate to invite me over. NO! YOU WON’T BE LAME LIKE THAT!!! You are an adventurous, young, sexy ass bad bitch! Not some old maid. 👵 … You waits around for no one! I told myself as I struggled through my last workout of dreaded burpees.

*****

Work came and went on Wednesday, and I was now clad in my sexiest work out gear 🎽 as I headed to Rice University, I contemplating how White Chocolate and I had talked and flirted every night, then planned the details of things. We’d both discovered we each loved nature and the great outdoors. Still, he hadn’t answered what I’d wanted to know most, and that was whether I’d be staying the night tonight, and if I’d be seeing him later in the week. All we’d decided was that our date would be an evening sunset 🌇run and a casual dinner out. I’d hoped and waited for him to bluntly ask me the same way he did last time, but he didn’t. Non-the less, my spare work clothes were in the trunk of my SUV 🚙 “just in-case,” I got the invitation; or so I told myself. I was anxious to see him as I parked my car on the street and checked myself out in the mirror. I no longer had yesterday’s bags under my eyes, but I’d still applied a little water proof concealer, lip-gloss, and blush to my face to give myself a more perky and youthful look. Could you be any more self-conscious and desperate? Like, if you tried much harder, your head would be shoved up his ass! My subconscious remarked. Shut the fuck up! I mentally barked as I folded the visor up and made my exit. I was in no mood for this shit. There were butterflies 🦋 in my stomach because I knew now that I had real feelings for White Chocolate. Just relax and play it cool. I told myself as I grabbed my headphones 🎧, cell phone 📱, and terrycloth wristband from my back seat. Rice Village was a nice trail this time of year because almost the entire trail was canopied by an expanse of old trees 🌳providing ample shade. Even though it was sunset, it was still brutally 💀 hot and humid outside.

As I reached the trail, my phone buzzed and it was him. I answered with a bubbly “hi.” “Hey, I’m here. You here yet?” “Yes, I just got on the trail, where are you?” “Share your location on your iPhone with me, and stay put; I’ll come to you. My bad for not telling you where to meet me beforehand.” “It’s ok,” I said breezily as I placed him on speaker and shared my location. “There, I just shared it. See you in a bit.” “Yup,” he said in answer as he hung up. I stretched and started my Nike app to document my work out. Then, I cranked up my music in an effort to pump myself up. Right as I began to feel energized and cursed myself for not bringing mosquito repellant, someone hugged me from behind and removed my headphones from my ears 👂🏾. I jumped a little, then smiled when I saw it was him. He kissed me on the cheek 💋and said, “hey beautiful.” Recovering, I smiled in delight and playfully replied, “hey macho man.” 💪 He released me and came around to my side smirking 😏as he questioned, “Macho?” “You’re the one who wanted to work out..., I’d say that qualifies as machismo.” He chuckled 😆, and it did funny things to my insides. “How was your day?” he asked. “Boring,” I said. He rose his brows and cocked his head, “hope you don’t think meeting up with me will be boring.” “Never!” I said teasingly. He eyed me and said, “you bring any repellant?” “I forgot,” I said. He reached into his pocket and tossed a small spray bottle of repellant at me. “I never leave home without it this time of year. No one wants Zika.” I caught the bottle and began to spray the loud smelling all-natural stuff on my skin. When I finished, he volunteered to do my exposed back due to my razor back tank. Thank goodness I’d dressed cute. I thought as I enjoyed his big warm hands on my skin. I had to work to keep from fantasizing about how those same hands had been on other parts of my body just three days ago.

He was dressed in a white under armor dry fit short sleeved shirt, navy dry fit shorts and black jogging shoes. Meanwhile I looked like Malibu Barbie in my bright pink top, black cut out spandex shorts, bright orange running shoes, and my hair tied in a high pony. Yup, you could definitely tell from my clothes I was excited to be here. “More like desperate,” my subconscious supplied. “Ready?” he asked as he came around to my side again? “Yea,” I said. “I hope I can keep up,” I said. He smirked cockily and said, “you prolly can’t, but I’ll go your pace.” I rolled my eyes 🙄, which had just transformed into the eyes of a tiger 🐯 as I rose to the challenge and glared daggers 🗡at him. “Them fighting words my man!” I said playfully. “No they’re not, they’re just facts,” he said; a superior gait to his words. So damned cocky! I sighed exaggeratedly; feigning annoyance. He gave me a side long boyish grin before he took off without pretense. I gave cries of unfairness as I pushed myself to catch up to him. We went at a breakneck speed at first. Then, we slowed into an easy; rhythmic jog. When we did two miles or so, we stopped and walked. My lungs screamed for air, and my legs ached. Shouldn’t have had that workout last night. I thought grimly as we caught our breath.

“Dinner at local foods?” he asked as he stepped over a protruding tree root. “I love local foods,” I said. “Their crab 🦀sandwich is life changing.” He smiled 🙂and said, “I’ve never tried it. I usually go for the burger 🍔or their tuna sandwich.” “Hmm,” I said wiping sweat from my face. He raked his gaze over me in appreciation and said, “not a bad job keeping up.” I gave him a hard side eye 👀, “Don’t be an asshole, I was a college athlete. Give me some fucking credit.” “Asshole?” He tisked. “Now you’re just giving me ideas…” Aww hell! I’d forgotten white boys liked anal. I tried to school my face to appear indifferent and hide my surprise before he could see it. Too late Snook! When I chanced a glance back at him again, he tilted his head in curiosity then gave me a wicked grin. “Interesting,” he said. I looked away from him quickly, then self-consciously sped up my stride to avoid him questioning me further. I was just about to take off running to ensure I avoid his prying questions about my experiences with anal, but he snatched my wrist before I could run. In an instance I was pressed against his chest with one of his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. I feigning outrage by looking around in astonishment for onlookers. The sun was low in the sky, so I doubted anyone could see us beneath the canopy of trees, but I still kept up the charade of feigned outrage because I was too chicken shit to face him. “No one’s around,” he whispered; calmly answering my silent question. I stared up at him then. He brought his other arm around my waist and brought my body more flush against his. My inner OCD self was secretly grossed out by the fact that our sweat 💦was mixing, but those thoughts fled as soon as I got a good look at the clear intrigue in his eyes. Funny how the younger, twenty-one-year-old me had revealed in the idea of PDA, but the older thirty-year-old me only liked it off her hometown turf where my reputation didn’t matter.

The sun 🌤peeped through the trees and a ray of sunlight cast over only one of his eyes making the other stand out in such a way that it almost appeared to be glowing. It was surreal even as I began to feel the stirrings of his arousal against me. It was like Mother Nature herself was giving me a clear picture of the man within. So ironic because he did seem to have a bad boy side. Even so, for once, his bad boy side wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. Instead, my attention was drawn to the lighting on his face and how it made him appear both brilliantly light and more than a little dark at the same time. Oddly the sight was like a gratifying balm for me because light and darkness were so necessary; so essential to any true fullness of being. Seeing the shadows and light on White Chocolate’s face was like nature confirming what I’d already discovered about him for myself. That he was complex just the same as every other person on earth. Everyone had darkness and light no matter their race. Oblivious to the depth of my inner musings, White Chocolate’s eyes focused on mine and the profound mystical nature moment I’d just had passed. I found a slightly lustful gleam in his gaze that matched the arousal I could feel growing against my belly. My body responded and my throat began to grow thick as the more wild, adventurous side of me that I’d hidden away in a box sat up and took notice. Sexuality jumped to forefront of my mind. I was awake, alive…, and more than curious about the topic I knew we were about to discuss. I stared at his lips as they formed the question I’d known he was about to ask, “You’ve never done anal before have you?”…. (to be continued)…