6-5-18 "...until he CHEATED!"
As I sit and listen to the sounds of the waves in the ocean, the wind blowing gently through my hair, and that ONE tear that fell off of my right cheek, I began to think “What Happened”? At one point in my life, i was SO happy! I found the man of my dreams! He was everything i could have ever imagined. Planning our wedding was the most exciting thing happening in my life, until he CHEATED!
If there was something worse than depression, that’s what i was dealing with. A sense of no direction, answers or cares! I lost myself, COMPLETELY. How could the man I loved so much, fought so hard for, loved UNCONDITIONALLY, have a baby on me?!! I cried, I prayed, I screamed until I was completely drained!!! After about 3 months of drowning in my sorrows, I HAD to get it together. Everyone kept asking to take me on dates, setting me up with people and the list continues! But emotionally, I wasn’t ready! I had some Insecurities, that were NEVER there before, that I had to rid before remotely entertaining anyone! Thank goodness for all of my family and close friends who helped bring that confidence back up! I had to dig deep and find THAT girl, who was determined, independent, happy and full of life!!! Once that confidence built back up, YOUR GIRL WAS READY!!! I was actually READY to start dating again! I thought the day would never come! Let’s just jump into my first date in SIX YEARS!!!! What do i do? Who do i say yes to? Do i go with someone i already know? Do i jump out on a limb and try someone new? With all of the butterflies and anxiety, i just agreed to go with someone who actually had a crush on me a LONG TIME! I was comfortable with him, but not TOO comfortable. I honestly just wanted to “practice” first! Lol work on my conversation, poise, vocabulary and even posture. Lol yeah I’m bananas! I have a HUGE phobia of being “boring”! So to ease my problem, i ate an edible! It made me super relaxed and my conversation just flowed off my tongue. Unfortunately, he was HORRIBLE at conversations! One word answers, dumb a** questions and dumb looks when asked about sex! Hey! We are adults! Let’s talk right?!? As i kept asking for hookah refills, i realized I DIDNT HAVE TO BE HERE!!! I quickly snapped back and said, “You ready”. Of course he was confused, but I’m sure he felt weird. As we are walking to our cars, he says “I’m so sorry about tonight”. Me “why?” “I’ve been waiting to take you on a date since we were in high school, and choked when i actually get you alone”. Soooooo i felt two ways!! Awwww this is sweet that u still have a crush on me after all of this time and two... OH WELL!!! Lol i gave you a chance baby! But I’m TOO nice! And i felt bad for ending so early, so we just walked down Peachtree for almost an hour! Talking, laughing and sipping my Hennessy that i poured from my trunk!! Yes, i stay prepared! As time progressed, he became relaxed and actually super funny! We had a great time, but had to break the news that friendship is the furthest we can go! Some things I am accustom to, he didn’t do! For example, open my car door, walking on the outside of me while walking on a busy street or Lay down his jacket, so i can walk over a puddle!