6-24-18 Home for the weekend....
Whenever i visit my hometown, I’m always reminded why I never moved back!
After going away to college, I only moved back to my home town for 4 months, before I realized, It wasn’t the place for me! Every time I went home, everyone I grew up with, was still doing the same dumb things we did back in high school! Party and drink. I just couldn’t get with it. It was like they had no passion or drive for ANYTHING! Sooooo, I packed my things and moved to Atlanta. While I was in college, Atlanta was the popping spot! My friends and I would come almost every weekend!! So I was very familiar with the city!
Throughout time, friendships become more distant, especially when everyone went to different colleges! I had my select group of friends I stayed in constant contact with. Somehow I was the ONLY girl in a click of guys in high school! But I loved it!! No drama. I knew about all the girls and they treated me like one of them!! Within this group of friends, i have a “Best Friend”. We have been strictly platonic friends for TWENTY years! Slept in the same bed together, been extremely wasted, seen each other naked etc and NOTHING ever came of it. That was my nigga and i was his! Right after my break up, with my fiancé, last year, my family was ON it! “ you and ______ should date”, “your already best friends, that’s where it starts”, “Paris just talk to him”. The pressure was THERE, but we never touched on the topic. It made me think about it more and more! I always FORCED myself to view him ONLY as my friend! But We kinda let it fade away!
This past weekend, when i went home, it was his birthday!! I was just looking forward to kicking it and hanging with my friends!! So Friday, he came to get me from work! No matter where i am, if there is an opportunity to work, IM WORKING! For some reason, when i got in the car, i couldn’t stop smiling and blushing. *tires stretching* I had to QUICKLY check myself! So I take him to lunch and we do some small shopping to finish his outfit for his party that night! For some reason, my stomach was in knots the whole time. I’m thinking to myself “Girl what’s your problem”.
After he drops me off at my sisters house, where I’m staying for the weekend, i had to take a shot.... or two. I couldn’t understand, why all of a sudden, I was crushing my BEST FRIEND... i immediately go into beast mold. I have to look cute for this party. I called over my MUA and found the smallest booty shorts in my suitcase! I wanted him to “notice” me, in a way he probably never has!
My homegirl for elementary school picks me up to head to his house to pregame! The entire time I’m telling her how i feel and i don’t know if i should say something or not. Her response was “I think y’all would be perfect together.” Was NOT expecting that! But of course, it made me think even harder!
We pull up and he says he is going to come down and get us so we can all drink and then uber to the party! As I’m walking up, I’m super jittery. When he got off of that elevator.... you would have thought I saw a ghost. He looked SO fine! A fine I’ve NEVER seen before. From the way his pants hit his ankles to that crisp ass lining he had! Not to mention, he smelled AH-MAZING! My friend literally started laughing at me! We get up stairs and I’m throwing shots BACK!! At this point i needed to be DRUNK!
We get to the party and all of our friends are here. Everyone is having a great time! Bottles are steady flowing. I’m still trying to be cute and cool, because remember, I’m trying to get him to “notice” me in a different way. As I’m sitting down, i feel this rob on my arm that instantly gave me chills! He was pulling me to come dance with him! I felt like a 4th grader getting asked to dance for the first time! I smiled and we danced DOWN!! He was touching in all the right spaces, yet playing it cool! Me on the other hand, the hair on my neck was standing straight up!
Once we leave, it starts pouring down raining! Normally, i would run and look for an umbrella, but sis had her wet and wavy in, so i curled RIGHT up! Looking real exotic like! We head to get food and then back to his house. It was about 5 of us. We drink, talk, eat and then my friend i get ready to leave! I go to giving hugs and he was like “aye P, come here right quick.” I go back to his room and he hugs me and says “Thanks for coming for my birthday, i never want to loose you as my friend, never forget that” then kisses me on my lips.... IM STUCK! I try to play it cool “ah, always my nigga”. WAS THAT THE RIGHT THING TO SAY??? Should i have said something a little more soft? A little more “girly”. I just said the first thing to come to mind.
Should I stay? Should I kiss him longer?? Should I run? I was embarrassed! Thank goodness for drunk friends! They ALL came to the back and it became more awkward! So we hurried and left. Riding home, my friend kept asking what happened. Me, not saying a word, because I don’t even know what just happened. I didn’t want to take anything to heart. We were all inebriated. Needless to say, i couldn’t sleep!
The next morning, I Texted him, just on some regular stuff! Not even wanting to think about his statement or that kiss! He didn’t respond! His Friend, that was with us the night before, texts me and says “Yo, what happened? _______ been acting funny and he keeps saying he need to call you cause he don’t want ruin y’all friendship. He just been pacing saying y’all just friend? What if this doesn’t work out and how he doesn’t want to hurt you ”. So now IM stuck! I had NO idea he even had any feelings for me, to that capacity. He finally called back and we acted as if nothing happened!!
WHAT DO I DO NOW?? I’m back in Atlanta and i can NOT stop thinking about him. Do i jeopardize a friendship of 20 years? Do i go for it? Do I even bring it up? I feel like, I should live my best life! But am i willing to endure the consequences? This is the ONLY man that has been there for me through ALL of my relationships. Let’s me know when I’m right and definitely when I’m wrong. We are super comfortable with and around each other! I NEED this to be my friend for the rest of my life! But I think I’m in love with my best friend. 😳 Should I say something of wait for him?